My whole life I’ve hated going to bed. I like falling asleep instead. Falling asleep is so much better than going to bed because you don’t get tangled up in the logistics. Falling asleep happens for you, even if it means waking up at eight to the sun assaulting your eyes while a block of metal videos are playing on VH1 Classic. Then all you have to do is scamper over to your bed where you can capitalize on how fresh the memory of how to sleep is and instantly dip back into slumber. Going to bed invites performance anxiety. Going to bed means you have to confront a final moment of consciousness. I’m not a fan. I hope you all fall asleep well tonight.