"I'll love you when you wake up on the other side."

I treasure this video as watching it brings me back to those days when these kind of cheesy romantic acts of love matter a lot to me. It feels kind of amazing, knowing that now, I feel somewhat different, as in when I'm watching it, I don't desperately hope that someone would do the same thing to me or confess his love in a creative and breathtaking way as what they usually portray in movies like I would few years ago.
love is a funny thing, you know.
it once gave you a heartwarming, beautifully odd and crazy feeling but somehow, somewhere and sometimes turns out to be the greatest feeling in the world, and when it leaves, you think it's the worst feeling that you wished you have never felt that in the first place. But really, is that so? 
I'd like to believe that love doesn't really leave. It merely changes form, or should I say, our perspectives towards love change as we grow up. Sometimes, on not-so-good days, I'd hear myself think that maybe life's better without love and all the dramas that it brings, so I ran away. But I came into a bitter realization that I had been running in a full circle, because eventually, I will end up in the very first place all over again, being in love.
Love that once makes me act foolish: smile to the phone as I received cheesy but sweet texts, silly poses at photo booths, holding hands wherever we go, and celebrating anniversaries (or monthiversaries) now changes it's form to a more "grown-up" ways, you know, the one that doesn't need the other half near you to know that it is love, and I believe, all the act that can only be understood if you know what unconditional love means.
and sometimes if I'm optimistic enough, I'd think love as the only thing saving me from all the bad things and feelings in the world.


one way or another.

"We need to talk" he said, his eyes looking into mine, demanding for an immediate consent. My heart was literally beating fast and my eyes were busy looking through his, searching for a soothing blink or anything that mimes "everything will be okay". I wanted to ask him what's wrong but I guess I have sensed it earlier when he pays more attention to his phone than to our conversation in that ridiculously crowded coffee shop, so I remained silent. I followed him back to the car, and for that few minutes we looked like two strangers walking awkwardly in the same direction, ignoring any eye contacts and in that few minutes too I began to believe that it's all we will ever be, strangers. Have you ever wondered why two people are given the chance to meet and fall madly in love at one point but remain two perfect strangers at another point of time? Many crazy thoughts were running inside my mind during that silent and awkward walk to the parking lot, "what is he going to say? is there something wrong with me? what am I gonna do?" and I suddenly had this urge to disappear because I had never been prepared for anything like that before. But I guess it takes courage to say whatever he wanted to say and besides, I have all the rights to know if there's anything wrong with our relationship, so I followed him anyway. 
"I don't know where to begin", he finally opened the conversation and like a nervous little boy he refused to look at me. I could tell that he has been practicing the line over and over again and decided that those few words would perfectly portray his whole intention. I looked straight into his weary eyes and through the long pause, I was busy sorting out lists of questions to ask but decided to cut the crap and jump straight into my biggest fear. "Are you in love with someone else?" I asked, tears falling gently down the corner of my tired eyes but with all the strength I could build, I tried to make my voice sound as normal as crying will ever be. "I don't know", he quietly said. The conversation went on and I know that there is actually nothing more to say but at that time, my mind was so chaotic that I couldn't stop asking why and probably annoyed him with those stupid questions. I wanted him to convince me and he had done all he could do to. There comes a point when I finally understood that there was nothing I could do, so without thinking much, I instinctively hugged him. I was hugging him so tightly that it was when I finally let go that I noticed he was not hugging me back. I felt the tears forming in my eyes but I smiled and said thank you instead. I got out of his car and the cold wind quickly made its way to my teary eyes, making them numb. I have known that there will be a day like this and when the day comes, I would confront my fears, clear all my hesitations and eventually believe that it's meant to be. I learn through all the fights and long distances that this day would come but little did I know that it too was the day when I lost my very best friend.


Stating the obvious fact

My life has been in pretty much a rush lately. I feel like I'm walking in a fast moving track, you know, the kind that keep moving fast forward even when you've stop running. Time flies, and I think a good number of people would agree with me on that, but right now, staring blankly at the dusty pile of books, a wooden board filled with photos, movies and concert tickets and notes hanging tightly on the wall, I could still think of the day I say goodbye to my parents before I head back to the apartment all by myself. I could still recall the day when I think that was it, the doomsday, and God knows it felt awful. But today, only three weeks away from the commencement of my final year's exam, I felt a little repulsive jolt in my chest and like a grumpy old woman, I would moan that time flies too fast!
Unlike some of my friends, I am completely clueless about where I'm heading to after the graduation.Working life has marked a rather pessimistic and traumatic impression on me, judging from my past internship experience. Well, getting a postgraduate degree would be an option worth considering, but I don't know, maybe I would get a photography lesson and end up being a photographer. Well, who knows?
  or maybe, just maybe I'll study spoken word poetry instead :p