the enigma of life.

The truth, in a nutshell, might sound harmless. Of course. It's something definite, a hard undisputed fact that will sooner or later be revealed. It's something people seek, demand and wait for because well, they know it's the only thing real. I, on the other hand, was not a great fan of the truth. I believe I was reluctant to find out the truth about something as I couldn't see why I shouldn't take it for granted. Some things are better left unspoken. I used to believe that the truth is incapable of changing feelings or perspectives, you know, why should it be when we only believe what we want to believe?
The thing is that sometimes this "defense mechanism" of mine can't really save me from those disappointments, regrets and well, heartbreaks. The truth can sometimes hit us right in our insecurities and maybe that's why many people (people like me) prefer something delicate, painless (hopefully) and inoffensive like making up reasons, excuses, fake expectations and all. But what's amazing is that no matter how painful and uncomfortable knowing the truth can cause, deep down in some hidden corner of this complicated mind, I know that the truth is the only thing keeping myself intact. I used to be afraid of knowing the truth, I used to hide myself from the truth, praying hard that it will finally decide to mess with someone else's life, but who am I kidding? I can't always have all the things the way I want it to be, I can't change what's already meant to be, sometimes I can only let go, accept the truth as it is while crossing my finger, hoping that someday, it will all make sense.

day one.

You were there and I was there. I looked deep into your eyes and you looked deep into mine. You did not say a word and neither did I. It was as if we were lost in our own little world. Your lips moved and you asked, “Where do we go from here?” I looked into your dark brown eyes, and with all the petty courage i could muster, i said “It’s wherever you want to go, but without me.” I stood up. One more glance at you. Then I walked away. And in your soft voice, you uttered wearily,“Didn’t you tell me about parallel universe and how exactly alike it is to the universe we are in? Well i wish it exists because if the other me were to meet the other you, i wouldn’t want him to let you go.” I whispered to myself, “I wouldn’t want her to get away either.”
And just like two trains leaving in the night, we were on our separate ways.
taken from parallel universe and perplexities


watch me as I whine.

I have always been a sucker for good old memories. You know that feeling when you see something that reminds you of the past? Sometimes when it comes, I could not help but let those feelings in and take over my mind. I think about how I have changed for the past few critical years of my life. The thing is, as I grow "older", those kind of memories and feelings become more and more surreal to me. I know at the back of my mind that those things happened somewhere in the past but there was a point when I actually questioned the existence of those things, you know. Did it actually happen? or was it a dream? 
Maybe it's safe to say now that I have turned into a bitter person. I expect less from people around me, and I came into conclusion that not everyone has to be nice to me. It's me being pathetic, skeptical, or merely giving a self-pity, you name it, but hey, maybe it's me growing up. Maybe people don't really change, you know.. Maybe sometimes we ignore that tiny little part of them that doesn't fit our criteria. We believe what we want to believe, remember? We cling to the piece that we embrace the most, ignoring the other tiny little pieces that we don't want to know. And when those tiny little pieces grow into a huge pile problem, we blame them for changing. Maybe it's part of our defense mechanism, I don't know.. but we can't blame people for showing who they really are, can we?