11.11

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Dear you,

It's funny how certain small things can change your impression towards some things, some bigger things in life. I grew up in this place I'd always describe as the heaven of foods. Well, basically that would be my first sentence if anyone has ever asked me what Medan is like. And normally, such conversation would end with "Yeah, the foods are awesome, come visit me sometime and I'd be your tour guide." Truth is, I always find myself wondering what other things I can tell more about this lovely city. That would be ummm... none?


Don't get me wrong.  I was talking about how this city has left different impressions on each of us, and trying to define it to somebody else kinda ruin the whole meaning. Let alone the fact that it is hard to define in the first place.


In my first years of living away from home, I had always dreamed of going back there. I had always thought that I belong there, in that city. I was not sure why, but somehow being away from home and looking at my friends' life back in my hometown made me say to myself, "I'm going back there for good someday." (It's funny, because most of the people I know staying there would prefer living somewhere else). Of course it's not just the food (even though I would love waking up to the smell of my mom's cooking) that led me to being homesick; it's something bigger and maybe, better. It could be my best friends, the soul-mates I am lucky to have found. Or it could be my family, even when we don't express our feelings easily. It could be the broken and bumpy roads and the old trees standing tall and strong. It could be you, even with all your egos and perplexity. Or it could be the combination of all. Something I have always been dreaming of. You and me, getting along with my family and best friends. 


This post was actually paused for few minutes as my mind was rambling through the past, when everything was fine, but it had to stop, so yeah, where was I? The combination of all, right. Well, that's what I mean when I said "it's funny how certain small things can change your impression towards some things, some bigger things in life". I mean, I have lived a decent 18 years of my life there and the most memory I could recall about this city mainly has you in it? 


Now, the mere thought of going back even only for vacation scares me. The city now sounds bitter to me, and finally, the idea of staying longer in this new city crawls its way into my heart and somehow, it sounds better because going back there could trigger those bittersweet memories that I have been trying so hard to forget in the past few months.


Still, the city will always be a sweet dream to me. I just love how easily I could fall asleep in my own bed, how easy it was, not having to worry about the amount of money left in my bank account, and how perfect it was, having good times with family, friends and well, you. 
But again, it's only a dream and I should wake up.


Love,
The girl who tried.